Heal thyself

I haven’t been sleeping that well. In fact, it’s now been five nights since I got more than a couple of hours kip.

Now, that’s not really that much of a problem. I don’t normally sleep that much anyway and I know a couple of insomniacs who don’t get more than twenty minutes at a time for weeks, months even. They’re still able to exist and participate in everyday activities.

Except, I never have a problem sleeping. I’ve always been “time for bed, okay,” head down, eyes closed, bang. Everyone has the odd night, sure, but I’ve never had a sequence of nights contorting my body restlessly under the covers, getting increasingly irate with myself and anxious about the rising sun.

I put it down to a few things. Not getting enough exercise. Too much coffee. Too hot. That weird guy on Saturday night freaking me out somewhat.

But then yesterday it got a little worse. Rather than just feeling a bit tired all day I felt like I had the world’s worst hang over (without actually getting drunk this time). My thighs ached; I felt heavy limbed and weary; a little nauseous but also quite tender round the abdomen; stiff neck and shoulders; hot skin, but oscillating between feeling cold and sweaty. a real bitch of a headache - proper burning zings every time I moved my head. And when I closed my eyes to try and sleep odd little pops of colour behind my lids and really trippy half-dreams.

“Do you want to go to the Doctor?” Beck asks.

“Be all right if I can get some sleep,” I’m bloody-minded in continuing not to go to the doc unless it’s really necessary. Seven years and counting, now.

Besides, where’s the fun in trying to find out what’s really wrong when you can use the internet to do a unreliable self-diagnosis.

According to a couple of sites I could have anything from a brain aneurysm to flu, or sunstroke, sunburn, LSD flashbacks, appendicitis, an infection of my intestine, whiplash, posture problems, dehydration, muscle strain, the D.Ts.

(The D.Ts for Christ’s sake)

What do I think the matter is? Constipation, over-tiredness and an internal-thermometer that takes a month or so to cope with surges in temperature, but sometimes it’s far more exciting to err on the side of the dramatic, don’t you think?